Autolesionismo Dal Nulla
by Shacra MoonFox31
Summary: I want to feel, to feel like any other, but I can't. I just can't. If there is a way to feel. . . How would I know to feel?


_**Autolesionismo Dal Nulla**_

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><p><em><strong>Intirizzito<strong>_

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><p>I know that this is wrong to do.<p>

But it _feels_ so _right._

The throbbing in the wrist was painful, yes. But, the feeling was good. Very, very good. I do this one more time when _he_ came into mind. This time when I do this the cut went deeper. Deeper than ever before.

_I'm_ _numb._

_I wish to feel._

_I want to feel the warmth. . ._

_But in the end I know I can't. _

_I just can't._

_I can only feel the numbly cold._

_Nothing else_

_. . ._

The blood comes gushing out more than ever, slowly at the same time. The relief is so good. The red color spreads. Oh, how the color spreads throughout the moonlighted room.

But I know that these reliefs come with a cost. Soon enough the room starts to spin.

Fast.

Faster the room spins. The darkness soon starts to collide with the room along with the red blood. Before I sucked down into the black hole completely, I feel my shoulder being grabbed and turned by something warm. I don't know what it was. The world was cold to me ever since I locked my senses.

My senses were awake before I would open my eyes. You see, ever since I was a kid my senses had been very sensitive. The most common one is this stupid strand curl on my head. Til' I taught myself how to shut off these senses. The only thing that is very sensitive is still the stupid curl. Still, I keep away from everyone in case they wouldn't try to touch me (aka: Spain(_tomato bastardo_), France(_pervert bastardo_), and ect.), besides the others pretty much complain about me.

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><p>The first thing my senses notice is that I was not on the floor. I was on the bed with a blanket on top of me. And something else was wrapped around me. An arm to be exact. Still sleepy but awake. I wiggled to a sitting position on the bed with the arm now on my lap and looked at the digital clock on my bedpost.<p>

12:01 a.m.

Oh, okay its 12:01 in the morning.

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><p>. . . . .<p>

Wait. What?

It's midnight and there's an arm on my bed. What the hell is going on here. Great now I'm getting a headache for getting up, plus the lack of blood. Putting my arms on my knees then my head just hoping the headache would just go away.

"Are you feeling better Romano?"

My eyes widen a bit in recognizing the voice that is also on the bed with me. Praying that it's all just a dream. I haven't been using my voice in months. So my voice sounded a bit horsed when I mumbled "What the hell are you doing here Spain?"

"We're not in the meeting Lovino."

"But you just called me Romano a minute ago."

"That's beside the point."

"Fine then. Answer the damm question Antonio."

"I came by to see how you were doing, I haven't heard from you in a long time. I actually wanted to talk to you after the meeting today; I noticed that you were pretty pale. But, well Francis held me up." He "By the time Francis let me go. You were gone."

My arms drop to my sides limply, but I kept my face to my knees

"So I thought I would drop in for a visit. Your front door was unlocked so I just came in and waited on you. I must have took a nap because I woke up to a thump coming from your room. That's when I ran upstairs to here and found you unconscious on the floor with the blood puddle and the knife. . ." his green eyes narrowed for a moment.

"Oh . . ." my voice horsed still from not talking in months.

"Why Romano? Why do you do this to yourself?"

My eyes are still closed but I feel the bed moving around a bit. The arm that was on my stomach moves to my hand with the scars. That hand is limping taken by being intertwined with Antonio's hand.

"Look at me _Lovinito, por favor mira aquí._" Carfully wrapping his other arm around me, his voiced filled with worried, there was also for some strange reason, a hint of guilt in his voice.

Still a bit light-headed I looked up to see a worried, questioning-face on Antonio holding my hand gently but too afraid to let go.

"Why?"

I looked away when he asked me that.

"Why would you care?" Still refusing to give Antonio eye contact again, I looked to the Harvest Moon that was coming from the window, which it was pretty much the only lit thing in the room.

Throughout the awkward conversation I was putting my guard up; I had observed and learned from Japan during the world meetings on how to block my senses when I had enough with the overloaded senses. Now my final guard is up.

No feeling, I am nothing and have always been since the moment any one would come across Feli. A rag doll flunged straight into a dumpster.

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><p>"By the way Lovi. This hit my head when I was looking for some blankets. In your closet." There was an edge of seriousness in his tone when he said the last sentence.<p>

Wait. . . in my closet. . . . .

"How much fell?" my voice no longer holding any emotions. I don't want to talk at this point anymore. I want to be left alone.

"A lot."

"And this item was what?," not really caring what it was that hit him. He sighs and pulls out a book, which is my one on my journals. . .

"It landed on a page," He said."it only took me one page of my curiousity to realize what's going on."

. . .

_**To Be Continued**_

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><p><em><strong>I was too depressed when I wrote this. <strong>_

_**This story is going to be only 2, 3, or 4 chapters long. Also keep in mind that it may go up the rating. **_

_**I have more stories but I'm a really a slow typer, plus I have millions of ideas for many types of stories, but it's really hard to write them down, with the includsion of time, and child don't like to be on computer with parent around accusing that since the child is a teenager that must mean that she's doing illegal stuff on computer, but child does no such thing.**_

_**I am sorry that I am rambling on about stuff that are not really important to you reader that some how manage to read this story. **_

_**I hope you enjoy this story. The characters are a OCC so I do not mind if I receive a review that says the characters are OCC, I am fully aware, but I'll try my best to make them less OCC. I do accept flames, it helps me write better since reading is quicker than my writing skills.**_

_**Well Ciao for now,**_

_** -Shacra**_

_**P.S.- I do not own Hetalia **_

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><p><em><strong>Translations:(I looked these up on google so they may be pronounced wrong, except for spanish that I know by heart)<strong>_

_**Italian:**_

Autolesionismo Dal Nulla__- Self harm from the Nothing__

Intirizzito__- Numb__

_**Spanish:**_

Lovinito, por favor mira aquí- _Lovi_(little boy form), _please look at me_


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